I have struggled with the answer when asked, "What do you do?" and it isn't work-related. Ultimately, we settled on that I find things and untangle things. But I also read (a lot), pretend to wake surf, and watch Hallmark films.
So so good! Orla and Kate are long-time best friends off on a girls' weekend away. Kate is a bit of a player who is trying to get back at her soon-to-be-ex, causing her to spend frivolously and do drugs and hook-ups. Orla is a new mom ex...
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2024, audible-books, five-stars, thriller, and thoughtful
Parts were a screaming 5 and parts were like “what?” And just irritated me. It is a Groundhog Day premise about a family of four - the mom is caught up in her own life and missing all that is going on around her with her kids and then he...
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2024, audible-books, fiction, four-stars, and thoughtful
Remember back when I gave a beautiful piece of art away? Well, I just wanted to say a little something more about my amazing cousin.
Cassandra was just featured on Mormon.org. And one of the things she said, I need to quote here on my post. Remember yesterday, when we discussed being a parent and is it a joy or a pain? When they were filming, they asked Cass How can we develop greater harmony in our homes? Here is what she said…
“Each night I quietly tip-toe in to my children’s rooms to tuck them in and whisper, “good night.” I remember one night in particular when I was taken aback by how much my eldest daughter had grown. I started to think about how fast time was flying by and how much I still wanted to teach her. That night was a big turning point for me. My attitude toward her and my other two children changed as I realized that every day is an opportunity to love them, to teach them and to learn from them. The feeling of gratitude I feel because I get to be their mom, now and forever, makes even the toughest day bearable.”
Her answer, like the comments I received yesterday showed me that the studies that have been done about parental happiness were not studies of all women. They were not studies of women who have made the choice to love being a mother. Of course, there isn’t a mother out there that would say parenthood is easy. But as the Lord promised us, it won’t be easy but it will be worth it.
During this discussion about parenthood, I became a bit nostalgic. I went through many pictures last night of the past 7 years. I was sad because the time has flown by so quickly. I miss my little babies and the small triumphs of every day. I loved my time with no children, but my heart is filled with so much more love and joy than I ever thought possible because of these two beautiful, funny and growing little girls. Is every day a good day? no. Sometimes do I curl up in a ball and whisper that I hate my life? yes – but it is because I don’t get to spend my days filled with their laughter, cries and screams.
This photo was taken when Jade was just a little younger than Ivy is now.
The other night I had had a less than perfect day at work. I had come home exhausted and found two warn out little girls. They have spent their days at dance, gymnastics, swimming and “Camp Grandma” with their cousins. I didn’t want to do anything and neither did they. We each found our own spot and just relaxed.
Jade watched “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”.
Ivy played “Playhouse Disney” on the computer. And I went back and forth watching each one of them. And Scott was working late.
That was how we found harmony in our home that night. It isn’t always how we find it. But sometimes doing nothing is better than forcing something.
I look around at all of the mothers and fathers that I know. I look at them and wonder if they are truly “happy” in their life and their situation. As I look, I think back to something that Matthew Townsend shared during the Casual Bloggers Conference back in May. It makes me think. It makes me wonder. It makes me compare.
Right now, no matter what stage of life we are in, shouldn’t we be able to find the joy? the happiness? As an adult without children, shouldn’t the day be filled with fun activities and doing things you can’t do with a child? As a parent to a newborn, shouldn’t the day be filled with cuddles, feeding and sleeping? As a parent to young children, shouldn’t every day be filled with laughter? As a parent to teenagers, shouldn’t the day be filled with activities, sports, homework? As a parent to grown children, shouldn’t the day be filled enjoying our children as friends? For most of us, none of those descriptions fit how real life is.
On July 4th, New York Magazine published an article called “All Joy and No Fun” and just a few days before, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints released this video…
Today, the “Today Show” spotlighted the article from the New York Magazine with this video.
Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy
As you know, I’m a full time work outside of the home mom and wife. It makes me very sad to read or listen to things that put parenthood in a negative or depressed light.
Meridith said during the Today Show, “studies show that a bundle of joy might not bring the happiness many parents expect to feel. in a 2004 survey of 900 working women, a majority ranked napping, preparing food, and housework as substantially more pleasurable than child care. last year the journal of happiness published a study which found that the effects of children on the life satisfaction of married individuals is small, often negative, and never statistically significant. this sentiment of discontent is broadly echoed by mothers on the web, at urbanbaby.com, a post reads, i swear, i feel like i’m surrounded by women who were once smart and interesting. but have become zombies who only talk about soccer and coupons.”
This makes me sad. It disturbs me. Because I believe it is true.
Matt Townsend said that with every child brought into a family, marital satisfaction decreases. Studies are showing that parents are less happy than their childless counterparts. Shouldn’t it be the opposite? Why is it that these beautiful bundles of joy are making parents sad? discouraged? frustrated? feeling like they are alone? overwhelmed?
“I love my kids but not my life” is a phrase most of us have uttered under our breath and possibly shouted from the rooftops.
On Today’s Mom, they did a survey. The question was “Did having a child make you unhappy?” There have been over 5000 votes so far. Here are the results…
38.1%
Yes. I do love my children, but I can’t say I’m happier than I was before having them.
1,901 votes
31.2%
No. Having kids is hard, but the joy they bring is immeasurable.
1,556 votes
30.6%
Most of the time. I tell people that being a parent is the hardest job you’ll ever have, but it’s also the most rewarding.
1,527 votes
How would you vote?
So how can we change this? We are always going to have to deal with the “chores” involved in being a parent. For the bulk of the time that there are children in the home, we will be convincing them to read, do homework, turn off the computer, play outside, practice their music, be nice to their siblings, not talk back, be kind to others and the list goes on. How can we make all of the chores of parenting fun so that more of us can smile when we talk about being a parent? Is there a chance for us to look at parenting as a pleasure not a duty? What do we need to change as a society to remember that children are the greatest blessing we could possibly be given?
My blog title is “The Family Trifecta”. I believe that in order to win the trifecta, we need to be able to find joy in parenting as often as possible. It is my goal. It is my challenge.
Many of you have commented on how delicious Dan’s cake looks and wondered if it was as tasty as it was beautiful. The answer is yes. And the best part about it is that it is super easy to make…
Use any chocolate cake recipe (Dan used a devil’s food boxed cake mix) to make two 9″ cakes. Create four layers by slicing each cake in half. Spread seedless raspberry jam on each layer followed by a thick layer of chocolate ganache (use whatever bittersweet chocolate you prefer and heat half as much cream, add the broken chocolate to the hot cream and let it sit until melted, when all melted stir together). Spread the ganache over the top and sides of the assembled cake. Grate white chocolate and coat sides of cake. Add fresh berries and a sprig of mint as a garnish. Top each slice with fresh whipped cream.
I grew up swimming, hiking, biking, camping and just playing outside. We didn’t have four-wheelers, or snow mobiles. There were a few occasions that we would join our friends on their boat. For my family, our summer fun was found as inexpensively as possible and was typically powered by our own energy.
When I married my husband, I knew my kids would have a different life than I did. Scott grew up on a boat and he grew up riding ATV’s. He introduced me to four-wheeling very early in our relationship (he also introduced me to duck hunting but I’ll save that for another day). I found riding around in the mountains and in the sand to be very enjoyable and a different way to enjoy nature. A sure sign that I would be accepting his way of the great outdoors was evident when he gave me a choice for my engagement ring.
The choice? A diamond or a four-wheeler. Which would you choose? I went with the four-wheeler. The four-wheeler is long gone but I still love my very simple platinum band.
For 8 years, Scott talked about wanting a boat again. He had one a few years before we were married, and like I said, he grew up on one. It was one of his favorite memory makers from his childhood. He would take me to the boat show and show me what he would want “IF” we ever got one.
I did NOT want a boat. There was nothing appealing to me about a boat. In my mind, boats were dangerous, time-consuming and expensive. They couldn’t possibly be a source of fun. Plus when I was little (about Jade’s age), I was with my family and our friends on their boat. My dad was in the water with me and he was helping me get up on water skis. I remember Gary, our family friend, idling the boat and then taking off. My leg whipped to the side and behind me before I had a chance to fall. For 6 months, my leg was an inch longer than the other. I swore then that I would NEVER try water skiing again. I never have. I also resolved that I would never be a boat owner. I was wrong.
Suddenly last summer, everything fell in to place and Scott was able to get his boat.
I still don’t water ski. But I have taken up wake boarding and wake surfing. I totally and completely suck at it, but I really enjoy it. If I had continued to say “never” then we would have missed out on some very fun memories as a family and with friends. (Last time we went, our friends took some video of me surfing and pictures of me wake boarding. From the video and pictures I learned just how much I really suck at it. At least now I have the vision of what I’m doing wrong and can work to fix it).
Jade has learned how to wake board and water ski. Ivy is more like me and taking the approach that she won’t ever try it. Even when she watches Scott fly through the air and has a huge grin on his face, it still doesn’t interest her in the least. We can barely get her on the tube. Sigh. One day she’ll learn that you have try before you decide if it is worth doing or not.
What have you sworn you would never try? Did you try it and enjoy it?
